Thus it begins
by Spinal Fluid
Summary: my first fan fiction, HikaxKao. yaoi-twincest. its all about Love and heartbreak, gets kinda graphic in the first few chapters then it gets angsty but i intend to lighten it up again. now contains a yaoi bonus chapter at the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, this is the opening to my first ever fan fiction... so please comment and please be gentle**

**If you don't like yaoi or twincest don't read it, this bit is not too bad but i may get a little graphic in later chapters. (i promise you graphicness!)**

**Disclaimer: as much as i would like to, i don't own ouran high or any of its characters TT_TT**

**A Kaoru and Hikaru story **

(This is just the opening so bare with me, it WILL get better)

Such guilty and wrong pleasures.

Hikaru hungered for my whimpers and screams and I, Kaoru, hungered for his body. His identical body. The displays at the host club did not end when the clients left. As soon as my twin brother and I arrived home and entered our bedroom, we locked the door and indulged in our sinful lusts, a mass of wrong lust, identical bodies entwined together! It felt do filthy, but it was just so right!

Our forbidden love.

Like the forbidden fruit, we could never resist the taste of the sweet, sweet forbidden apple. Society would shun our activities like the plague if people knew. But its our dirty little secret. It never occurred to us that one day it would all end,

Our self destructive love.

But it did end... it ended because of her, because of Haruhi. Hikaru loves her and there is nothing I can do about that.

-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-

Thanks for enduring my appalling writing skills


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay, Its chapter 2!**

**please comment and please be gentle**

**If you don't like yaoi or twincest don't read it, this bit is not too bad but I may get a little graphic in later chapters. (i promise you more graphicness!)**

**Disclaimer: as much as i would like to, I don't own ouran high or any of its characters TT_TT**

**Ok, ok its not as graphic as i intended it to be but its my first fan fiction so i think it will get more graphic again in chapter 3.**

**A Kaoru and Hikaru story, thus it begins: chapter 2: I love you**

_In order to explain what happened, I will take you back to the events leading up to when my own brother, Hikaru, broke my heart._

It was about 4 months ago. It was a normal day at the host club. Tamaki ("the king") was sulking In his darkened corner after Haruhi turned him down again, Kyoya was writing In his note book and had his usual cold look plastered on his face, and everyone else was hosting. There were about 5 girls watching out "brotherly love" routine, Hikaru took my face In his hands and told me how cute I looked when I was drinking tea. The fangirls squealed (how I hated that sound, and the fact that I was on display like an animal).

As he pulled my face closer to his I thought to myself how wonderful It would be If he actually kissed me. HIs hands were warm on my cheek and my whole body tingled. Then the unthinkable happened... my ears started hurting from the girls squealing but the pain quickly disappeared as I realised that Hikaru had pressed his soft beautiful lips to mine. But just after I had gotten over the shock and started to enjoy the kiss, he violently pushed me away and ran out of the room. I glanced at kyoya, who looked generally disgusted, i glanced the other way to see the wide-eyed girls staring at me with their creepy smiles. I ran after Hikaru.

We may be twins but i have always been the faster runner, no matter what Hikaru says. I caught up with him in the empty hallway but he wouldn't stop running, so i grabbed his arm and pinned him against the wall.

"let me go Kaoru!" he shouted. I could see tears in his perfect hazel eyes.

"No! I won't let you go! Hikaru! Why did you do that just then?" this was the first time I was ever the assertive twin. He looked at me with an expression on his face that I have never seen before,

"I'm sorry Kaoru! You must think I'm disgusting! People are not supposed to fall in love with their twin brothers, dammit! I know you will hate me now but..."

"Did you just say love?" my heart was pounding so much it felt like it was going to escape my chest.

"Yes, I did... Oh god! ... I'm sorry, Kaoru!" he pushed me away, I was the fastest but he was the strongest. He ran down the hallway and I didn't see him again until I got home.

I walked into our room and saw him lying on the bed with his face in the pillow, what a lucky pillow.

"Hikaru" I said cautiously as I sat down on the bed. "you didn't give me a chance to talk. I don't think your disgusting, Hikaru. I have never said anything about this, but I think my feelings for you... run deeper than they should, I guess I ... I l-love you too Hika-"my sentence was cut short by Hikaru's lips against mine. That morning, we were brothers... but we were about to cross over the threshold into a minefield. We should have stopped there, left it as a kiss, but we didn't. We pushed things too far.

Before my thoughts could enter my head, Hikaru was on top of me and undoing my school shirt. My head was spinning, I was so happy I could not help but smiled through the kiss. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I happily accepted it. Somewhere along the line he had removed my shirt and his. I craved the warm touch of his bare chest against mine, i pulled him closer and I felt a friendly hand find its way down to the button t the top of my trousers. I became aware of my trousers and boxers being pulled down. Hikaru broke away from our passionate kiss and said in a whisper,

"Kaoru, I will only do this if you are sure you want to, if your not ready yet don't worry." The fact that he asked just made me want him even more! "do it! H-Hikaru" i said with a smirk on my face. N

Nothing could have prepared my for the moment of ecstasy my brother was about to bestow on me. He took my erection in his mouth, slowly, i could feel him grin as he started to gently suck.

"Aaahh, how d-do you know how to do t-this, H-Hikaru?" I struggled to get my words out.

"well, lately i have been reading a lot if fan fiction. There's a lot of yaoi on there and if you set it to, M for mature, the is some great stuff. I'll show you what else I learned to do, shall I, Uke san?"

"o-ok. S-sow me" i focused on catching my breath while he removed his trousers and boxers, he then pulled a bottle of "lube" out of his bed-side cabinet, I wondered why he would he would have that, he seemed to work out from the puzzled look on my face what i was thinking, "i have it just incise. I'm optimistic, ok?"

I couldn't see what he was doing but I suddenly I felt a lube-coated finger press against my entrance. The realisation of what I was doing hit home... I was going to have penetrative sex with my identical twin brother! The thought of how wrong this was made me somewhat apprehensive. But all thoughts disappeared from my head as I felt pain rip through my body, I let out a strangled scream.

"do you want me to stop?" Hikaru asked, his voice laced with a mixture of concern and lust.

"No keep going. Aaaahh"

I felt another finger enter, then another. The pain was horrible but it was about to become worth it. Hikaru withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his erection, more pain. But then pleasure ripped through my body "do that again" i said desperately.

"with pleasure" he said is he hit my sweet spot over and over again.

"h-harder... Hikaru. Aaahh, yes! There!"

My screams and whimpers fuelled him and he pumped harder. It was like nothing i have ever experienced.

"Hikaru, i think I'm gonna-" my words came too late, i came before i could finnish my sentence. A few seconds later Hikaru came inside me, spilling the warm liquid.

"I'm sorry Kaoru! I- I came in you."

"its ok, i liked the feel of it" I smiled.

The following morning it was cold and i didn't have any gloves to keep my hands warm, so they were painfully cold. As we walked up the steps to the school entrance, Hikaru removed his gloves and said, "your hands must be freezing! Let me feel them." I raised my icy hand, he took it with his and I could feel the warmth spreading through my hand. Our hands were in line with our faces he was touching my skin lightly and carefully, a few seconds passes by but it felt like longer, but in a good way. i had an overwhelming urge to close my hand around his, our hands were hardly touching but i moved my hand closer to his and to my surprise he gently held my hand and he lead me up the steps with a contented smile on his face.

-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-

Thanks for enduring my appalling writing skills! XD

Join me for chapter 3, I will update as soon as possible! please review!!!!!!

In chapter 3, the twin's relationship goes down-hill ad they are forced to admit a few home truths.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay, Its chapter 3!**

**( ^^; I'm on study leave at the moment, this counts as English revision (and physics, you will see why) **

**I know this may sound a little rushed but it isn't (much). **_**Please comment**_** and please be gentle. By the way I still don't know if this is going to be a happy or sad ending, well I shall see(it will be decided at a later date)... but for now, enjoy.**

**If you don't like yaoi or twincest or inappropriate use of ties, don't read this. **

**Disclaimer: as much as I would like to, I don't own ouran high or any of its characters ****TT_TT**

**by the way, I'm sorry for the bold text, I don't know why it has done this**

**My bliss was painfully short-lived. As Hikaru and I entered the host club before classes started, we were greeted by the hungry eyes of girls and the blazingly sharp stare of Kyoya.**

"**Hikaru, kaoru. I would like to speak to you" Kyoya said in his monotonous voice.**

"**but-" we said in said in perfect synchrony, although we were cut off there.**

"**NOW" he said firmly.**

**We followed him to a side room [authors' note: side rooms CAN materialise in Fan Fictions because the laws of physics do not apply]. As we entered the room he spun around quickly to face us and he used his black note book to hit out hands apart (we were holding hands at the time).**

"**what ever disgusting acts you carry out in the privacy of your own home is none of my business, but do not bring it to the host club! there is a time and a place for those things! Do you understand?" he said in a controlled but threatening voice.**

"**yer, we understand! We understand that, as you said it is none of your business" Hikaru shouted**

"**and so what if we kissed, the clients seemed to like it!" I said, glaring at Kyoya... although my glare was by no means as menacing as his.**

"**that is not the point, we have lost customers! You are not the only people with clients. The other girls who were here, the ones who do not kike the whole twincest thing complained that you were going too far! And what about Haruhi, do you really want to subject her to that?" he scolded**

"**can we go now?" we said at the same time, but we left without an answer.**

**Later that day, in class I arrived late to find Hikaru had taken my seat next to Haruhi. I thought nothing of it and sat on the other side of him, in what would have been his seat. He was talking to Haruhi and didn't notice me walk into the classroom until tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and smiled at me. **

**He drew in a breath and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but our physics sensei interrupted, "HIKARU, WHAT IS THE EQUATION FOR CALCULATING KINETIC ENERGY"**

**Hikaru jumped at the shock, "wa?... oh, erm" he hadn't heard the question.**

"**NO, NOT YOU. THE OTHER ONE!" shouted our physics sensei.**

**I, being 'the other one' stood up (as was expected) and searched my memory, "erm, **_kinetic energy equals a half MV squared?" I was not certain if he asked me for the kinetic energy formula or not, I was pre-occupies with looking at Hikaru's lips._

_"GOOD, WE GOT THERE AT LAST. SIT DOWN.... UMISAKI, ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?...." Sensei bellowed. _

_I sat down hurriedly._

_For the last 2 hours of the day, all I could think about was why I was the 'other one', is that how people saw me? Was I just the other twin, Hikaru's twin brother? He was so much more impulsive and extrovert than I! I was the 'submissive' one. My thoughts haunted me all the way home and I just sat on our bed, hugging my knees and sulked._

_I felt the bed dip under an extra body on it, but I did not open my eyes. I felt a hand in my cheek and then lips in mine but i still did not open my eyes._

_"What's wrong, do you want me to kiss it better, little____brother__?" Hikaru purred. _

_It was then that I opened my eyes. A new problem entered my head ____'my brother is kissing me, my identical twin brother is kissing me and, what's this? He turns me on, my brother!'__ in the time it took for these thoughts to cross my mind, Hikaru was un-buttoning my shirt and before I knew it he was on top of me, one leg either side of my waist. _

_As he kissed me, I pulled him closer and carefully pushed my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues danced together. I craved his touch (I'm a feeler not a fighter). I wrapped my legs around him and pulled our hips together, the friction made me moan and it was obvious this turned him on even further. He sucked at my neck and bit the skin to make me moan. In a quick movement he pulled off my belt and held it up to my line of vision,_

_"Bondage?" he asked with an evil grin on his face. This thought did not appeal to me in the least._

_"Not tonight, or ever for that matter!" I said matter-of-factly._

_"whatever makes you happy, little brother" he said seductively with a smile on his face as he nipped my ear. But the word 'brother' brought me crashing down to earth, I had sex with my brother and I was leading myself down that path again. I pushed him off before we could stem over the line again._

_"What the-" he said, confused._

_"NO! Don't touch me!... we are brothers!! This is so wrong on so many levels!" I shouted_

_Hikaru stared at me with his big hazel eyes. "If you don't want to, then we wont, ok? But to be honest, I could not care less about what other people and the likes of Kyoya say. I don't want to pressure you" he said sympathetically._

_Of course, it was so simple. Who cares about what other people think? I would still have Hikaru, I would ALWAYS have Hikaru! (or so I thought) I reached out my hand and took his._

_"I'm sorry, your right. Why should I care about others?" I kissed him and pushed my tongue into his mouth again. We pulled each other's clothes off and we were a tangle of arms and legs. _

_"I think I should allow you to take control, kaoru" he whispered between the kisses he was tracing down my chest. _

_"But... what do you want me to do?" I asked, innocently and flirtatiously (Hikaru brought out my inner minx)_

_"I don't mind, you can..." pause for effect "suck me off" he said in a low, seductive whisper._

_I blushed and moved down to his erection, which was begging for attention. I was not shore what I was supposed to do so I cast my mind back to our previous night together. I slowly licked it from base to tip. Hikaru shuddered and moaned, so I continued I sucked and licked and it was not long before Hikaru decided he wanted to be inside me (not that I would complain about it). He flipped us over so that he was on top. He reached over to his bedside cabinet and pulled out the small bottle of lube, it was only a little bottle so it was almost half empty from the previous night._

_Hikaru picked our black school ties up off the floor. He looked up at me with a mischievous grin; I could tell what he was thinking._

_"Fine, if you must!" I said as he wasted no time in tying it over my eyes and began to shackle my wrists to the headboard of the bead with the other tie. _

_"It's good to try new things. If you decide you don't like it, I will unite you, ok?"_

_I couldn't move my arms and I couldn't see but I could feel everything he was doing. I felt the pain of a finger inside me rise and subside as my muscles adjusted. I felt another finger enter and I felt the scissoring motion, it hurt but I didn't care because the best was yet to come. _

_As he entered me with his large erection my scream was stifled by Hikaru's kisses. Pain turned into pleasure as he slammed into my sweet spot. The feeling of ecstasy shot up through my body. I arched my back and wanted to reach down to touch Hikaru's body, I wanted to feel his soft hair and the perfect curve of his back. The sound of ripping ties, panting, moaning and my near-screaming filled the room. Hikaru pumped my cock in time with his thrusts; this was enough for me to come with such an orgasm that I almost forgot where I was. _

_My scream was enough to push Hikaru over the edge too, "aaaahhaaruhhhi" he whispered quietly, it was almost inaudible but I heard it._

_'__Did he just say Haruhi's name? No, it was probably just him exhaling, yer that was it.__' that was one nail in the coffin. A horrible thought crossed my mind, the thought that the fact we are twins would mean it will never work, it was just too... warped. But I didn't want it to end._

-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-

**Thanks for enduring my appalling writing skills! ^^;**

**Join me for chapter 4, I will update as soon as possible! Please review**

**In chapter 4, Kaoru is in for the shock of his life! And does Hikaru have a hidden agenda? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay, Its chapter 4!**

**I know this may sound a little rushed but it isn't (much). **_**Please comment**_** and please be gentle. By the way I still don't know if this is going to be a happy or sad ending, well I shall see(it will be decided at a later date)... but for now, enjoy.**

**This chapter is not 'inappropriate' but I think I think that will be made up for in the chapter after this one.**

**Disclaimer: as much as I would like to, I don't own ouran high or any of its characters ****TT_TT**

It has been three days since the incident where I swear I heard Hikaru breathe Haruhi's name after he came and no matter how much I tell myself it was just my imagination, to tell you the truth I don't know if it was my imagination and the more I thought about it the more confused I became and the more it bothered me.

I was in physics class and deep in thought about this haunting thought, '_did he say her name? No, why would he do that? But, then again...'_

I was pulled out of my deep thoughts by my physics sensei, "HIKARU! PAY ATTENTION!" even though I was being mistaken for Hikaru again I knew it was me who was being yelled at because of sensei's hand crashing down onto my desk in front of me.

"My name is Kaoru! If you're gonna yell in my face you should at least get my name right!" I don't know where that outburst came from, but it was not in the mood to have someone yelling in my face.

"DON'T TALK BACK! KAORU!" if there is one thing I can't stand, it is someone shouting at me, perhaps it is due to growing up in an environment where no one shouts at you. I don't know why, but I glanced around at all the staring faces around me, I don't think anyone would expect such an outburst from the 'submissive' twin. My eyes then met those of Hikaru and Haruhi, sitting together, I then let go of some of the pent-up anxiety I had acquired over the past three days, my unfortunate physics sensei was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"fuck off!... It's not my fault you can't tell your students apart!...god! Just leave me alone, you don't know what it's like!" I stopped myself there. I hardly ever swear and the words just fell out of my mouth without any conscious thought. I realised that I had my eyes screwed tight shut, I opened them and immediately regretted it. I saw the absolutely outraged face of sensei (it was like I had just personally set him on fire or spat in his face) and the entire class gaping at me, I couldn't bring myself to look at Hikaru and Haruhi. The few seconds that passed felt like hours. But then the silence was broken,

"GET OUT! STAND OUTSIDE THE DOOR UNTIL I COME OUT THERE TO TALK TO YOU AFTER CLASS!" I was expecting thing like this but I was still a little shell shocked by it. I just froze and my usual passive demeanour returned, but it was too late and what was done was done.

"I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!...NOW!!!" I have never heard sensei shout so loud, and sensei was always loud. I stood up, grabbed my school bag and walked gracefully out the classroom. I was calm on the outside; the façade hid my inner turmoil at the shame of what I had just said and my haunting thoughts of Hikaru and Haruhi.

As I stood outside the class was dismissed. Some of the boys in my class patted me on the shoulder and told me 'good luck' as they passed. Some of the girls were sobbing into their handkerchiefs. Other people were avoiding looking at me. It was like I was on death row, in fact, as sensei called me back in one of the boys who walked out of the class room as I walked in said "oh, look out... dead man walking"

"OK, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE REASONS FOR YOUR LITTLE OUTBURST! YOU CAN REPORT BACK HERE TOMORROW FOR DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL! NOW... GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" it was not as bad as I expected. I ran out the door, it was the end of school and time to go to the host club but it was the last place I wanted to be.

As I walked into the club, all the girls (not just the ones in my class) stared at me (apparently news travels fast). The rest of the host club were looking at me too, equally shocked. Kyoya looked at me with his intense eyes... it was his 'I am going to strangle you with your own skin' look, usually reserved for m'lord. I wanted to disappear.

Hikaru walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder and said, "hay, guys! Nothing to see here! Don't ya know it's rude to stare?" he smiled at me and led me into the room.

"erm, by the way. I can't be here tomorrow. I have... um... detention. Er, sorry." I said, ashamed. I heard some girls gasp at what I said.

About half an hour later Hikaru and I were doing our routine. The feeling of his hand on my face was more than enough to make me forget my troubles. He was talking to me but I couldn't here him because I was too far into nirvana, plus the girls were all squealing. We took a break from our brotherly love performance. Hikaru took it upon himself to use this time to annoy m'lord.

"hay, m'lord..." I don't know what he said after that because Haruhi appeared in front of me,

"hay, Kaoru. Are you ok? That was quite a scene in physics." She said, looking up at me with her big brown eyes.

"yer. I'm fine." I sighed. She looked like she was going to say something else but Hikaru interrupted her by grabbing her and putting his arm around her. This was the point where I was supposed to stand with my arm around her on the other side, but the troubles I had been trying, with some success, to push out of my mind were back, they had returned at the sight of Haruhi. My anxiety had morphed into a muddled sadness.

These were the things that were on my mind;

1) did people just see me as 'the other twin' of simply the 'submissive' one... was I just Hikaru's brother? Is that why people keep calling me Hikaru but never called him Kaoru?

2) I had never had detention, what was it going to be like? What would mother say? And what an embarrassing incident in physics

3) does Hikaru love Haruhi? or am I jumping to some major conclusions?

I decided to go home from the host club early, I couldn't handle being in the same room as Haruhi and Hikaru with all those fan girls asking me if I was ok.

Hikaru came home to find me lying on our bed on my front with my face in the pillow.

"Kaoru, what's wrong? You have been acting strange the last few days and today, well, need I say more?" he paused before talking again, "please. Say something. Or at least look at me." His voice was laced with concern. I turned over onto my back and sat up, a stifled tear rolled down my cheek and Hikaru caught it with his index finger. The next thing I knew he had pressed his lips to mine, I had no objections to this. But I was not in the mood for things to go any further. He sat on the bed next to me and simply held me. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. There is something just so calming about him. I fell asleep and when I woke up he was asleep, still sitting with his back against the headboard, he hadn't moved. I smiled.

The day was fairly uneventful, I passed my physics sensei in the hallway and didn't make eye contact, I was too ashamed. One notable thing that happened was Hikaru casually asked me if we should invite Haruhi over sometime, "hay Kaoru, what do you say we invite Haruhi over our place one evening... she can stay over" he said it so provocatively, his voice was almost a whisper as he spoke into my ear and if he has said anything other than what I thought I heard it would have made me melt. Did he just suggest what suggest what I think he suggest what I thought he suggested? Or was it just my imagination? Besides, there was no was Haruhi was the sort of person who would agree to that.

So, while everyone was at the host club, I was going to be stuck in detention.

"erm, Sensei? Um..." I muttered, ashamed of myself.

"ENTER! KAORU!" shouted sensei. I walked in, hanging my head in utter shame as pangs of guilt flowed through me. I had never been in trouble before.

"S-sensei? I'm sorry... I'm sorry for the disrespectful way I talked to you, it was uncalled for. S-sorry..." I trailed off.

"WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR APOLOGY. KAORU" I could scarcely believe that sensei is actually human, loud but human none the less. "LOOK, SINCE THIS IS YOUR FIRST OFFENCE, YOU MAY GO." Wow, I was even more gob-smacked.

I wandered over to the host club; I intended to simply let Hikaru know that I was going home. I walked in and walked over to the club room and looked around I couldn't see Hikaru. "oh, that was a short detention, if you're looking for Hikaru, he left. About two minutes ago." said Kyoya. I nodded and walked out to the fount of the school and sat on the entrance steps.

I pulled my cell phone out my pocket and called one of the drivers to come and get me. It took about half an hour to get arrive and I was freezing cold. I dove into the car to escape the cold air. I don't like the cold, it depresses me and that is the last thing I need now. By the time I got home, I may as well have stayed at the host club. I trudged up the path and steps to the main entrance of the house as it started to rain.

I walked into the large hallway. One of the maids walked over to me and smiled, "would you like me to take your coat for you Mr Hitachiin?" I nodded and handed her my coat. I wandered up the stairway. I was tired and wet from the rain. I opened the door to our room and the sight that greeted my eyes almost stopped my heart.

I saw Hikaru and Haruhi in a VERY sensual position on the bed. Hikaru was lying on top of her and they were kissing, she had her hands all over him! I started to choke on something, there was a knot in my throat. Hikaru lifted his head and looked me right in the eyes, he looked almost as shocked as I did. I turned and ran out of the door, I heard Hikaru say "shit" and heard him running after me, but I was the faster runner.

**X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X**

**Thanks for enduring my appalling writing skills! ****^^;**

**Wow, that made Hikaru sound like a total [censored]. **

**Join me for chapter 5, I will update as soon as possible!****Please review**

**In chapter 5, what does Hikaru have to say for himself? And what is Kaoru going to do? He has to face Hikaru eventually, doesn't he?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – the truth hurts **

**I tried to make it a little less depressing this time TT_TT... failed**

**By the way, before anyone points it out...I know that neither of the twins have asthma! But in the world of FanFiction, such things can happen. Plus it is all an aid if the storyline. This is only a short chapter because I wanted to leave it on a cliff-hanger : ) *insert evil laugh* this chapter concentrated on Kaoru in his darkest hour (even though it takes place over a day, not an hour) **

**Warnings: contains a depressed Kaoru and some mild suicidal thoughts, why do I inflict such suffering on my favourite character? It lightens up at the end, a bit.**

How could my own brother do this to me? How could Hikaru do this? And with Haruhi of all people!

It had been three days since I saw that horrible sight and my eyes still burn from it. I had not spoken to Hikaru at all, he tried to speak to me on a few occasions but I couldn't even look at him. I had lost my lover, my best friend and my brother. I would be a fool to believe things would ever be the same again, it was my fault for crossing the line and it is proof that forbidden love is forbidden for a reason, because it will always end in pain and heartbreak.

I felt so alone, I realised that I could not talk to people. The fact that everyone in school would whisper, "hay, isn't than Hikaru without Koaru? Or is it the other way around. If you ask me I think they have had a fight, they both seem a little... off." Whenever I walked down a hallway. Some people attempted to talk to me, mostly girls trying to console me, but I couldn't look anyone in the eye, much less speak to them. I discovered that my world had changed, it was no longer the world belonging to Hikaru and I and the world belonging to everyone else. It was my own lonely world, outside of the world belonging to everyone else. People walked past me but it felt like there was a wall between us. Hikaru was the door to everyone else, he was the social and outgoing one, I remained in his shadow, safe. I couldn't talk to these people; I never had much self confidence, Hikaru made up for it. I was forced into a cold and empty world.

I didn't go within 100ft of the host club or its members, especially Haruhi, ether. I went out of my way to avoid Hikaru most of all, I even moved into a bedroom the other side of the house and kept the doors and windows locked.

It was in PE [gym/physical education/ sports/track, whatever you want to call it.] that I did something that was cause for concern. I was so depressed, I hadn't spoken to anyone for three days and I was so lonely, and there was no end in sight to my misery. We were told we had to run the cross country, I didn't mind because I like running but I had my inhaler in hand anyway. Both Hikaru and I had very mild asthma, in fact the last time I used my inhaler was at least a year ago(also doing a cross country).

We had been running for about half an hour and suddenly my breathing became more and more laboured, I stopped running. I tried to breathe but my lungs refused to take in any oxygen. I fell to my knees, this was the worst my asthma had ever got, I supported myself with my arms but they were shaking violently.

I remembered that I had my inhaler in my hand, but I didn't use it.

Would it be so bad if I slipped into a peaceful sleep and not worry about being woken? By vision blurred. I heard muffled voices panic around me. My breath drained from me, I stopped fighting it. The next thing I knew I was drifting into an easy and peaceful unconsciousness.

I was rudely awakened by a paramedic, there was a ventalin mask on my face and I could see all the anxious faces of my classmates. I was given the all clear and when I returned home I was confronted by Hikaru,

"what were you thinking? That inhaler was in your hand! Are you crazy?" he yelled as he slammed me against the wall, his hands gripping the tops of my arms. I looked away avoiding eye contact.

"well? Answer me!" he yelled again. His hands gripping tighter.

"you're hurting me... Hikaru." I said in a quiet voice, this was the first time in three days I had used it. I was still looking away. The pain shooting through my arms was nothing compared to the emotional pain and the discomfort of Hikaru simply being so close. He relaxed his grip, but still held on so that I could not run away, but it no longer hurt.

"why?" he asked again. "is this my fault?" he asked

"No... yes...I mean...I just can't look at you. You are simply part of the problem, you are half of it and I am the other half of the problem." I wasn't going to lie to him, he could always tell when I was lying so it wouldn't make a difference.

"Tell the truth, don't lie to me!" he said, his voice gradually getting louder.

"it is the truth, the truth hurts! Hikaru!"I raised my voice back. The words were shaky and desperate. Part of me wanted him to feel guilty, crushingly guilty! So that he could share some of the pain I was feeling, but would that make me feel any better?

"No, you're wrong, I am the whole problem how could you ever blame yourself? Kaoru... What I did was wrong... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" his voice was almost a whisper.

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**Please review and tell me if you think Kaoru should accept Hikaru's apology, **

**In the next chapter you will find out if Kaoru accepts the apology and you can also find out what Hikaru's explanation for being caught red handed with Haruhi. and I will try to make it less depressing, there could still be a happy ending and the story is by no means over.**

**Once again... thanks for enduring my appalling writing and total lack of creativity XD **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – is this who I am?**

**Ok, you can now find out Hikaru's pathetic excuse and will Kaoru accept his apology, or will his heart need longer to heal? Note: Kaoru's ringtone is "sleepless beauty" by Nittle Grasper from gravitation XD I couldn't resist; I was listening to it at the time. Oh, and I am still hell-bent on ending this story on a happy note, so do not fear X3**

**Oh, and there is a bit about Hikaru's POV**

**Warnings: contains slight yaoi-twincest-ness for all those HikaKao fans out there. Yaoi haters avert thine eyes. Although, it's not that bad ^^;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran high or any of its characters as much as I would like to. Oh, and I also don't own gravitation, Nittle Grasper, or any of the songs.**

"No, you're wrong, I am the whole problem how could you ever blame yourself? Kaoru... What I did was wrong... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" his voice was almost a whisper. I couldn't believe I was hearing this, Hikaru hardly ever apologised for anything.

"Please look at me, Kaoru." He said with anguish clouding his voice. I plucked up the courage to look him right in the eyes. His eyes were the same shape and the same shade of hazel as mine, but his were unexpectedly softer than my own. I felt like I was going to cry but I couldn't, I had felt this way for a while, the need to release the tears built up and the pressure increased, so many negative emotions wanted to escape. I could feel the coldness in my own eyes.

"Please, I know I don't deserve it... but..." he was topped mid sentence by me interrupting.

"Why?" I asked as he looked at me, confused. "Why Haruhi? why would you do this? Hikaru? I asked, my voice shaking along with the rest of my body. "Do you love her?" I asked.

"no, I don't. I do not love Haruhi. I don't know why I did it, she looked so cute for a second... then things started to get out of hand. I will not lie to you. The truth hurts, that's what you said. It was a case of lust, not love." He said, his eyes fixed on mine, I could see a tear well-up, I envied that; he could cry... he had release. "Besides, Tamaki would kill me if I was in love with Haruhi" he gave a faint but genuine smile. He pulled me into a hug, he was so warm... human contact.

I buried my face into the nape of his neck as he ran his fingers through my hair. I then lifted my head slightly and to my surprise, he kissed me softly. "Hikaru" I sighed when he broke the kiss. I was melting in his arms. We kissed again, but this time with more passion. They say that you get on better when you have just made up. Then we progressed from a passionate kiss to our lips dancing with each other. Before I knew it I was back up against the wall. I felt hot, but not uncomfortably hot, it was still a slight relief when Hikaru started un-buttoning my school blazer and pulled at my tie.

I felt like I was on fire. I felt like I was going to explode while emotion. A feeling of ecstasy pulsated through my body when he placed his leg between my legs. His knee in between my thighs, edging up to my crotch. My trousers **[author's note: trousers= pants, in case that's the word anyone uses] **were now uncomfortably tight around that area. My fingers knotted in his hair. His hands were still toying with my school uniform. My ecstasy was heightened as he then ground our hips together; a whimper escaped my lips through the heated kiss.

"I know I don't deserve it, but... will you please accept my apology?" Hikaru whispered through the flaming passion of our kiss. I stopped, frozen.

Hikaru hungered for my whimpers and screams and I, Kaoru, hungered for his body. His identical body. Our forbidden love; our self destructive lust. '_Is that all it is? Is this who I am? Why do I feel so filthy?'_ My mind wandered to how he whispered Haruhi's name as he came _(or was it just him exhaling?). 'What was his explanation? Am I his toy? Am I an object of lust or is Haruhi the object of lust?'_

I drew in a sharp breath and pushed Hikaru away from me.

"Why?" I gasped.

"Why what?" he replied.

"why, why would you think... why should I... forgiveness is not earned so easily. Do you know how much suffering...? how can...? I'm so sorry Hikaru." I paused and looked away from his shocked face. "Has the guilt been eating you up inside?" I asked, my more masochistic side beginning to show its self.

"Yes-" he replied but I cut him off before he could say anything else.

"Good! Then I hope this makes you feel better, this can be your penance. People say we are two halves of the same person, but nothing is ever split down the middle! Why am I always the one who suffers? I may be the submissive one, but not this time. I can't forgive so easily." I shouted, already regretting it. I ran up the flight of stairs, he ran after me but I was the fastest. I wasn't going to be a door mat.

I sealed myself in my room. I turned to my bed; intending to try and calm down. but then...

"_Tooku de me o hikarasete mezameru monotachi matte iru  
Yoru no jouheki sasowarete utsurisumu mure no nukegara ni  
(Deguchi no nai) shougeki ni taeru tsumori nara  
(Kuzureru hodo) itsuwari o misete..."_

My cell phone rang. I didn't bother to see who it was; I just answered it out of instinct and instantly regretted it.

"Hello?" I said a normally as I could, with forced interest.

"Hello? Kaoru? Hi it's me; I heard you had a pretty bad asthma attack today in PE. I suppose doing I cross country in this cold weather, you're asking for it." Said a cheery Haruhi. "So, are you ok now? You seem to have been a little... depressed these past few days. You can come to the host club either. Kyoya is pretty mad at you and Hikaru" she continued. I simply stood there thinking, _'why do you think I have been depressed, home wrecker!' _of course there was a vast difference between what I was thinking and what I actually said out loud. Apparently I had just used up all me assertiveness.

"erm... yer. I'm fine now." I said with fake emotion. It's a good thing I was a good actor.

"um, my the way. About what you saw, a few days ago-"She was cut off by my interruption; apparently that was becoming a bad habit of mine.

"Don't worry about it, sorry. But I have to go. Um... see ya... Haruhi." I hung up before she could say anything else. She had no idea what had been going on with Hikaru and I prior to that innocent. So, I guess I couldn't really blame her... but I did. It was her fault, it was Hikaru's fault and it was my fault.

I couldn't sleep that night, I simply lay awake and stared at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking only made things worse; it only reminded me of anguish and pain. '_why? Why did I wake up from that unconsciousness after my asthma attack?' _I was isolated from the world with nothing but my torturous thoughts.

**[Ok, time for Hikaru's POV, it will only be for a short time.]**

I ran after him again, but I watched him slip through my fingers once again. I know that asking for his forgiveness was a long shot at best. I had no right to ask to be absolved of my guilt. I know what I did was wrong. The crushing guilt was eating me from the inside out. I had lost my lover, my brother and worst of all, my best friend... the only person I could really relate to. My isolation for the last three days was starting to get to me. I didn't talk to anyone and stayed far away from my fellow host club members. How could I face their questions? How could I face them asking me where Kaoru is or if we have had an argument. Many of my class mates asked me those very questions.

I couldn't sleep. There was too much on my mind. I just stared at the inside of my eyelids until my alarm clock began to rattle and ring. I got up out of bed, I was still in my uniform, so I simply brushed my teeth, washed my face and combed my hair from the mess that it was into my trade mark hair style. I then left the house early; I couldn't face Kaoru because seeing him only provoked the raging guilt within me. My insides were already being shredded my pangs off shame and guilt.

When I got to school I was early. I decided to sit in the library until classes started. I searched the book shelves for a few minutes to try and find something to read, but I then remembered I had homework that was due in today, so I sat down at a table to do it. '_if Kinetic energy equals a half something squared... dammit! Do I have to transpose the equation? Hmm... Kaoru would know this... oh, Kaoru... are things really that bad for him? Why didn't he use his inhaler, that could have been a very dangerous situation. Oh my god! This is all my fault! Is this who I am?' _I screamed inside my head.

I hated myself, this was all my fault, Kaoru didn't even want to look at me. I not only hated myself, I utterly detested myself. I couldn't help but think how insensitive I must have been. I was then pulled out of myself hating thoughts by a smiling face staring into my eyes and a familiar voice.

"hello Hikaru! It's a surprise to see you here in the school library so early. Personally I'm always here early to study. Hay, is everything ok between you and Kaoru?" Said a concerned Haruhi.

"yer, well its none of your business is it?" I replied, my self-hate now beginning to lash out with others.

"Yes it is. Your both my friends and Kaoru seems really depressed. Wat have you done? Well... whatever it is you should apologise." She said with a cross tone in her voice. My anger began to flare up, if there is one thing that pissed me off its people always seeing me as the evil twin, no one ever thinks about how I feel... although in this case I was the one in the wrong, I agree.

"Ok, yes. I guess it is your business, since your partly to blame! And besides an apology doesn't fix every little problem! Get it?" I shouted as I leapt up out of my seat.

"what? Me? How am I to blame? I don't even know what happened!" she sounded thoroughly pissed off now, but so was I.

"that kiss! He saw it! Remember? That is what happened!" I yelled

"what? So that was a little embarrassing. So what?" her voice was a mixture of anger and confusion.

"it broke his heart, Haruhi. Knowing that is ripping me apart at the seams. He hates me now! Because of my momentary lapse of judgement and because of you!" I let the words poor out; I could feel my face burning and fury bubbling climbing up inside of me.

"What are you saying...? Hikaru?" her voice was quieter now it was laced only with shock and hurt.

"STOP THIS SHOUTING, NOW! GET OUT! THIS IS A LIBRARY, NOT A DISCO!" screeched the librarian, ironically louder than we were shouting. She ushered us out. As soon as we were outside the library I turned to Haruhi intending to relieve more of my pent-up frustration but as I turned around to her, she slapped me across the face and simply walked away.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly, I doubt she heard. I just wanted to bang my head against the wall and beat myself into unconsciousness. I deserved it, I was managing to alienate everyone close to me, who was going to be next? Tamaki? Surely he would be pissed off when he finds out I hurt Haruhi's feelings. _'God, why do I have to be like this? I meant what I said when I told him I loved him... god-dammit! Why did I have to ruin it? Why did I do it? And why do I feel so bad about hurting Haruhi? no! This is too much! Why am I such an idiot?' _I thought frantically to myself.

It seems I deal with things differently to Kaoru, I lash out at people and hate myself, but apparently he just shuts people out and allows himself be swallowed up by his depression.

**X~x~X~x~X~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X**

**Please review**

**Well, that was chapter 6. Don't forget that this can still end well.**

**In chapter 7 we will be going back to Kaoru's POV and there is another worrying development but keep reading to see the light at the end of the tunnel... there WILL be a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise XD**

**Once again, thanks for enduring my appalling writing skills TT_TT**

**I am sorry if this chapter was really sucky, I lost my creative spark (its more like a dying ember) and so I had to take a break to allow it to regenerate XD**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7- A hall of mirrors **

**Author's note: ok... in this chapter we are going back to Kaoru's POV (I simply had to show Hikaru's POV in the previous chapter because I wanted to put across his feelings too)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran high school host club or any of its characters (even though I would love to) **

**Warning: I have the mother of all writer's block. The diminishing ember of my creative spark has faded so much it is nearly extinguished TT_TT**

**Just to let you know... I can't wait for the Ouran high anime to be released in the United Kingdom! I have pre-ordered X3**

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Allow me to elaborate on how my world has changed over this short time...

Imagine this...

Before all this happened my world could have been described as a hall of mirrors, that hall of mirrors represented everything I was and ever will be. My world was a world of glass mirrors. It was not spectacular, nor was it highly structured or complex... but it was mine, my world, everything I ever knew. Now, imagine this, every mirror in my safe little hall of mirrors shattered and burst into millions of tiny shards of glass. The glass splinters that once made up my world rained down on me, cutting me deeply and every time I tried to move the flecks of glass cut into my feet as I walk. My hall of mirrors, my world... shattering and falling down around me, and even turning against me. My world cut me as it fell. It hurts.

-

-

I wanted Hikaru to apologise but when he did I was not satisfied, does that make me a horrible person? I felt so guilty but I decided that it was better to not say I fore give him than to lie and say I did when I didn't. But I felt crushing guilt for not forgiving him, I don't know why I didn't. I think it was because he started all this and opened the flood gates (was he simply toying with my emotions?) or maybe, as much as I hate to admit it, I wanted him to know what it was like; it was his turn to suffer. I hated feeling that way but you know what they say, 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', but I'm not a woman (obviously). There was one thing I knew; I was not going to be the 'submissive' twin this time, I wanted to stand up for myself at least once in my life.

I arrived at school and was immediately confronted by Tamaki, I have recently been expecting Umehito Nekozawa (and Belzenef) of the black magic club to approach me and announce that I was now tragic and emo enough to join his club, but never the less I was confronted by a rather irritated looking Tamaki.

"what's the big idea? I have been looking for you everywhere! You upset Haruhi." he shouted in my face.

"what are you talking about?" I asked.

"look, Hikaru. You know what I'm talking about! Haruhi was CRYING. I don't know what you have done to her but" he was cut off by my interrupting him; this was a bad habit that seemed to be worsening.

"what did you just call me? I'm not Hikaru you idiot! You have known us for years!" I shouted.

"What? oh. Sorry Kaoru. It's just that I have never had to tell you apart because you're always together, you're like one person." He said, carelessly. It touched a nerve, no it more than touched a nerve... it assaulted it. All I wanted to do was staple his mouth shut, but then again I wanted to do that to him from the first day I met him and I don't know anyone who doesn't feel the same. I seemed to have phased out for a few seconds because the next thing I saw was Tamaki stalking off, probably to find Hikaru. The words Tamaki has so carelessly let fall from his mouth resonated in my head, 'you're like one person'. Tamaki's casual words cut me deep and added to my fears over the lack of my own identity. But I was glad he didn't ask why Hikaru and I weren't hanging out anymore, either he had more mercy than I thought or he was too pissed off with Hikaru to care.

'_wait, did he say Haruhi was upset? And he was blaming Hikaru?' _I thought to myself. It was sick, but the thought of Haruhi tasting some of the hurt inflicted on me sent a tiny flicker of an emotion that was a mixture of satisfaction and curiosity through me.

Later that day I was confronted by Kyoya, just what I wanted.

"Kaoru? Look, I don't know what is going on between you and your brother, and quite frankly I don't care, but it is affecting the host club's profits. So, I'm only going to say this once so listen carefully... do something about it! Understand?" he controlled his voice but Kyoya didn't need to shout to be intimidating, the 'do what I say or I will strangle you with your own lungs' death glare was intimidating enough.

"..." I looked at the floor and said nothing.

"I will be telling Hikaru the same thing." He said, I wasn't looking at his face anymore but I could still feel the glare drilling into me. I didn't look up or even move until I was sure he was gone. I wish didn't look up because when I did look up I saw Haruhi, she locked eyes with me and she stopped walking. We just stood like hat for a few seconds but then to my dismay, she walked over to me.

"Kaoru? I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She stuttered and quickly turned away, only to by ambushed by Hunny, who leapt at her while screaming, "Haaaruuuu chaaan!". Before I could slink away quietly, Hunny wrapped his arms around me in one if the most violent glomps I have ever experienced.

"Kaoru! Why are you unhappy?" he shouted with eyes sparkling with tears.

"p-please let me go. I have to get home, the car will be waiting." I said as I squirmed out of Hunny's iron grip, unable to make eye contact. I began to turn and walk away.

"but, what about the host club? you haven't been for ages!" wailed Hunny.

"I quit." I said bluntly and walked away. Still looking at the floor.

As I walked I could hear Hunny ask Haruhi when I was coming back in a way that was reminiscent of a young child asking their mother when their daddy was coming back, and the mother has to think of a way to sugar the pill when telling the child that daddy **isn't** coming back.

I didn't eat my dinner when I got home, I hadn't for a while. In fact I had only been eating random pieces of fruit and half slices of toast for the past couple of weeks, as a result of this I was low on energy and my emotions were even more unstable. But at this point, to put it simply, I just didn't care. It was all so difficult, it was all too difficult... knowing that things would never be the same.

**X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X**

**IF YOU REVIEW, I WILL LOVE YOU FOR EVER! XD **

**Ok, this was a mega short chapter because the story is coming to an end, i.e. the next chapter is the last chapter! It's been a good run for my first fan fiction ever. I will be finishing the story with the next chapter... ****BUT****, do not fear! There will be a ****bonus chapter ****at the end too (the bonus chapter will be a special yaoi thing for all you Hikaru and Kaoru fans and to thank you for reading my story to the end XD)**

**But I will see you in chapter 8 for the conclusion to the story XD**

**Thanks for enduring my non-existent writing skills TT_TT**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8- once bitten**

**Hi, it me, Renki-chan... It's the last chapter! (But there will be an addition of a bonus chapter at after this one too) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran high or any of the characters and I never will TT_TT**

**So, without further ado... *insert drum roll***

**I present to you... chapter eight! *insert applause***

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This is where my story ends; this is where you discover the effect of crossing the line. This is the end result.

I didn't go to school for the next few days, I couldn't face it so I pretended I was unwell. But there was only so long that would work without having to be taken to the doctor so I went into school the following week. But I wasn't totally deceitful, ok I was at first, but for the past day or so my head was killing me.

I was sitting in physics class, not listening to a word sensei was saying, the lecture was going in one ear and out the other. I was probably pushing my luck with sensei by not paying attention but I had been like this in all my classes lately, I couldn't concentrate on anything and today I felt generally ill. I felt week and dizzy and weak, on top of that my head felt like it was in a slowly tightening vice. Every sound anyone made drove into my skull so I was trying to black out the noise of the 'forces and motion' lecture.

"KAORU! DO YOU WANT ANOTHER DETENTION? I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION!" came the horrifyingly loud voice of the physics sensei.

"s-sorry" I stuttered. I didn't look up even though my neck was starting to hurt from looking down all the time. I shifted the position of my head, I propped it up with my right hand and turned it to the side slightly and looked out of the window, and the bright glare of the sunlight hurt my eyes a little.

"DONT START LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW! PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOARD!... ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? STAND OUTSIDE, I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE MY TIME." boomed sensei and a hand slammed down on the desk in front of me. I flinched at the surprise and sudden loud noise.

I picked up my stuff and began to walk out of the classroom; I was kind of relived because at least it was quiet in the hallway. I didn't walk out of the window out of rudeness or disobedience or to cause trouble, I just needed to remind myself that there had to be a light at the end of the tunnel and I needed to shift the position of my head to try and relieve the pain in my head. Just so you know.

I can remember my legs feeling unstable ad I stood up. And I heard whispers amongst the class as I exited.

"He's been acting strange the past couple of weeks, it's sad isn't it?" whispered one classmate.

"He's been acting weird for a few days, so has Hikaru... Akoji said he heard Hikaru crying in one of the cubicles in the boy's bathroom." Said another one.

"What's his problem? He doesn't go to the host club anymore." Whispered someone else.

"What do you think is wrong with him? He completely ignores everyone who asks him what's wrong and Hikaru tells people who ask what's wrong to get lost. What do you think is going on?" whispered another person.

I stood outside but I soon felt the need to sit down. I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. I suddenly felt like I was floating and then... nothing.

-

-

-

-

"ru?"

...Pain...

"Kaoru?"

...It hurts...

"hay, Kaoru?"

...More pain...

"C'mon Kaoru"

...Confusion...

"Kaoru?"

...Hope...

-

Someone kept saying my name, my head felt cold and wet, I was in a haze of confusion and numbness.

I opened my eyes, and I saw myself looking back at me. '_Am I dead? I'm I a spirit leaving my body?'_ My eyes struggled to focus and the voice of the person calling my name was muffled. Eventually I could see that it was Hikaru.

"Thank god, I thought you had an aneurism or something." He said. I tried to sit up quickly but my body moved slowly, the cold compress fell off my head and I realised that was the cold and wet thing on my head . "no, don't sit up yet. You were unconscious in the hallway, all the girls in the class wanted to give you mouth to mouth resuscitation but you were already breathing, much to their disappointment." He said.

"h-hika... where am... I?" I said quietly, still confused.

"In the nurses office, well... you're in the waiting room outside it on the couch so you can lie down. She's just off getting you a new cold compress. She said you are going to be fine, she said it was probably due to stress and malnourishment... it made me think, I haven't seen you at dinner or lunch for a while." He said, in a quiet tone

"hn" was all I could manage, partly because I simply didn't have the energy to say anything else and partly because I was ashamed and didn't want to talk about it. I looked away again. '_what happened? The last thing I remember... the feeling of floating... my head hurts..."_ I thought to myself as I tried to remember losing consciousness. _'hm? What? It feels like there is something on my hand... is there a leak in the roof? Or is it blood? Am I bleeding?... god, why isn't my brain working?" _I thought as I tried to work through my slow and foggy mind in order to deduce what was on my hand, it felt like rain dripping onto it. I was almost afraid to look at my hand to investigate because I did not want to accidently look my twin brother in the eyes. But I heard a soft whimper, I turned my head to look at my hand, growing more concerned that it was blood or something.

It was not blood that trickled down my hand, it was tears. The tears of my twin brother, Hikaru.

"Hika-" I began, but my voice failed me. I looked at my hand as another tear dropped onto it and ran across my skin and dripped off my finger tip, onto the floor. "Hikaru? Why are you crying?" I asked, finally able to form words.

"b-because this is all m-my fault! I have done this to you... because I was weak and selfish. I am s-so sorry. I am n-nothing but an idiot! You deserve s-so much better. It's my fault your doing this to yourself." He choked out. "I am so sorry, I will leave now. I know you can't bring yourself to even look at me, I don't blame you... I envy you because at least you can get away from me. Don't worry, I don't expect forgiveness because I don't deserve it." He said quietly as he stood up and turned to leave.

"I forgive you" I said when he was half way out the door.

"what did you say?" he stopped.

"I forgive you." I repeated. I had believed that I wanted him to suffer and feel maddening guilt, but now that it was in front of me... it broke my heart.

"why?... not that I'm complaining.

"Because I want to forgive you, consider yourself absolved." I tried to smile but all that happened was that my right cheek twitched. I felt something run down my other cheek, a tear? And then another tear, then from the other eye. Before I knew it, tears were cascading down my face. I was crying, I can't describe in words how good it felt to have emotional release. Hikaru sat next to me on the couch, I sat up and he brought his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest, I had forgotten how warm it was. I felt Hikaru's hand gently wipe away a tear.

But, alas this perfect moment was shattered.

"I have the compress." Called the school nurse as she walked in. "oh, sorry, am I interrupting? At least you're awake. How do you feel?" she asked while blushing, not that I could talk, I could feel my face burning.

"yer, I feel fine. C-can I go?" I said as I looked at my watch, seeing that school had been over for about 10 minutes.

I was allowed to go home, on the way home Hikaru asked me if I would move back into our room. I agreed.

We walked into the bedroom.

"Hikaru, we are brothers and I think we should keep it that way. Fooling around is what got us into this mess, I just don't think I can handle that emotional pain again. I know you don't mean to hurt me but... well , you know what they say, 'once bitten, twice shy.' I just don't want to take that risk again and lose you once and for all. Please d-don't hate me." I said with a shaky voice.

"How could I hate you?" he asked, to my relief.

"I care about you more than anything else. You do know that, don't you?" I replied

"As long as you know that I care about you more than anything else." he replied

He stepped closer to me and lightly kissed me on the cheek. It was only a gentle brushing kiss but it was warm and tender. As he pulled away I brushed his left cheek with the back of my hand, "thank you... Hikaru".

-

-

And that's it, the emotional scars will never truly heal, things will never be the same between Hikaru and I...we have only have ourselves to blame but in some ways, we are closer to each other now. He is the most important person in the world to me and I didn't want to risk that again, friends and lovers come and go but we were forever.

**X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X**

**XD thanks so much for your kind support! I love you all for reading this through to the end and I'm sorry if the ending sucked. ****Please leave me a review****.**

**I told you I would make it a (kinda) happy ending.**

**Please join me for the bonus chapter, it will be a special yaoi thing for all you yaoi fans out there... ****if anyone has any requests/ideas please don't hesitate to ask **** X3**


	9. yaoi bonus chapter

**Sup? It's me, Renki chan XD**

**Welcome to the bonus chapter... first of all, "GOMEN NASAI!" TT_TT - I would like to apologise for the sucky ending (I was pushed for time cos I had lotsa coursework deadlines, etc). Second of all, I would like to thank you for reading my story. **

**As promised, this is the special yaoi chapter X3 so I don't think I have to tell you that all yaoi haters should avert thine eyes... **

**Disclaimer: I do not own ouran high and as much as I would like to, I never will. However, if I did own ouran, nekozawa would have much more screen time!**

**[FYI: all these events have nothing to do with the storyline, it's just for fun ^^ oh and I had to cut it short because time is something I don't have.**

**So, for the people who have not been scared away...**

**X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X**

*.*

They were in the host club room and there was only half an hour left. Hikaru cupped Kaoru's face in his hands and told him how beautiful he was. The girls squealed at the 'act' and some of them looked a little pale from blood loss (nose bleeds). The twins looked deep into each other's eyes and the intensity was almost visible. Hikaru suddenly looked up, it surprised some of the girls, "M'lord, can we go home early?" he asked Tamaki.

"There's only half an hour left! what could possibly be so important?" scolded Tamaki.

"we gotta get home, um, our parents want us home early." Hikaru lied, he didn't think it would be a very good idea to tell the truth, he was irrational and impulsive but he was not stupid.

"fine, fine. Go." Declared Tamaki as he waved his hand as if he was dismissing them from the king's court. The twins departed.

They dived into the car and the driver sped out of the academy grounds. Kaoru had his hand on Hikaru's knee and slowly moved it up his thigh. Hikaru blushed and smiled, "At least wait until we get home." He almost giggled.

_[Half an hour later *.*]_

"H-hika-" stuttered Kaoru weakly; his words were cut off by his brother's lips pressing against his own. Hikaru was straddling Kaoru on the bed both of them had discarded their school shirts, ties and jackets.

After a few seconds, Hikaru pulled his lips away from Kaoru's, who gave a disappointed whimper, but then Hikaru began to kiss a line down from Kaoru's jaw bone and down the nape of his neck. Kaoru gasped as he felt his brother's tongue trace out his coler bone, his breath was warm and Kaoru felt like his skin was on fire.

Another whimper escaped Kaoru's lips as Hikaru gently nipped his skin with his teeth. Hikaru bit him again just where the coler bone disappeared into the shoulder, this time drawing blood and also drawing another satisfying whimper from his younger twin's lips. Hikaru licked the wound as blood began to slowly travel down Kaoru's chest. With the coppery taste of blood still in his mouth, Hikaru kissed Kaoru deeply so that they could both taste it.

In the haze of pain from being bitten and bleeding and the pleasure of the passionate kiss he was locked in, Kaoru had not noticed his brother fiddling with the button on his school trousers. Kaoru then noticed that his were already undone and for some obscure reason that thought made him grin like a Cheshire cat. He was not as innocent, naive and pure as people thought.

Suddenly Hikaru was thrown from his perch above Hikaru and before he knew it they had switched positions. He was a little surprised and his heart rate did not have time to recover, it was sent beating like a jackhammer when he felt something, most likely a tongue, caressing his erection. He gasped as Kaoru took him into his mouth. 'He must have been paying attention to what I was doing to him' thought Hikaru.

"aah, k-Kaoru" were the only words Hikaru could choke out as the waves of pleasure washed over him. Kaoru was trying to concentrate on what he was doing and trying to hold back a grin at the same time, to see the sight of Hikaru squirming under him and unable to even speak made it more and more difficult not to grin.

Hikaru decided that he was going to reclaim his 'rightful' place as seme, despite how much he was enjoying this, he wasn't going to let Kaoru take it any further (Hikaru has a superiority complex). He pushed Kaoru off to the side, gaining a surprised little squeak from him, and immediately pinned him down.

"Did I do something wrong?" Kaoru asked between gasping for breath.

"no, quite the opposite, and here's your reward." Grinned Hikaru.

"chicken, you couldn't let me have a go just for once." Replied Kaoru, pouting.

"ok, yes. I admit it. Ya happy?" said Hikaru as he rolled his eyes.

"fine" sighed Kaoru.

Before Kaoru know it, their school trousers and boxers were thrown completely off instead of just being around their knees. They both prepared to enter nirvana, when there was a knocking at their window (think god the curtains were closed).

"Hikaru, Kaoru. I need to talk to you!" the voice sounded familiar. "I know it's late. I had to come over because your house is the closest. I kinda got locked out of my place and I was going to sit outside and wait until morning but it started raining..." the voice continued to explain that he had been late home because of an unpleasant incident with the black magic club due to him stepping on Belzenef.

"God, its m'lord. Just leave him out there." groaned Hikaru.

"We can't do that." Said Kaoru, a grin that would even give the Cheshire cat a run for its money spread over his face. Hikaru looked at him for a second before the same grin found its way across his face.

"Ah, someone to play with." Said Hikaru as he pulled on his boxers, and Kaoru did the same. They both walked over to the window and opened the curtains to reveal a wet and desperate Tamaki.

They let him come in, poor Tamaki was oblivious to what was going to happen to him, up until the twins pounced.

~FIN~

**X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X ~ x ~ X**

**I will let your minds concoct the rest, I may continue this as a separate 2 chapter story (something light-hearted for once)**

**Sorry about having to cut it short and leave it there, I have lots of work to do and I am 3hours of lost sleep away from insomnia.**

**Plz review. **


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